Sell a Monte Carlo sandwich under the name "Monte Cristo", and serve it on Challah. 

Let me know when you get it

hey this is a test post!! 

Pie and Coffee
darwinfishie, with inspiration from madlori and Annie Proulx
rating: uhm...pg13 for now, probably R or NC17 later
this is a piece to accompany  madlori's Human Interest, so it's her world. 
Ennis and Jack meet the townsfolk for the first time.

Pie and Coffee

"Jesus, Twist." Ennis grumbled, "Where in hell’d y’hear ‘bout this shit hole?" He kicked a rock towards the delapidated farmhouse, "Looks a stiff wind ‘way from sawdust an’ screws."

Ennis spoke the truth. The wraparound porch sagged in places, and broken roofing slate protruded from the steps at odd angles where it had fallen and lodged itself there. Shards of windowpane littered the ground, and the window shutters and front door hung open at angles, their rusted hinges bent and broken. Layer after layer of paint peeled away from the door and window casings, from the light fixtures and from nails driven into the weathered, rotting clapboards. Inside it was devoid of furniture. Naked light bulbs hung on cords from the ceiling, and matted, stained shag carpet covered the floors. In the kitchen, several layers of rotting linoleum puckered and pulled away from the walls. It truly was a shit hole.

"Naw, Ennis,"Jack marched enthusiastically up the worn dirt walk to the porch steps, Ennis shuffling behind, slowing to a cautious tiptoe up the steps, "It’s not that bad." Jack spun on his boot heel, "It’s got cosmetic issues, is all. The work underneath is solid." Jack spun around with a grin and slapped the porch roof support with his open palm.

Ennis noticed it first. The dust and paint chips that fell from the ceiling and hid themselves in the brim of Jacks’ Stetson. "Darlin’? Why don’ y’ come off the porch, now. Doesn’ look so solid from here." Jack grinned at Ennis and slapped the column again, and again Ennis saw the years of paint and dust flake down onto Jacks hat.

"Aw, Cowboy, it’s solid as an oak! See?" Jack reached way back to Wyoming and slapped the ancient wood, hard, using the full force of his sinewy upper body, a movement which reminded Ennis of how Jack’s body contorted, and made Ennis’ stomach flip. A crack overhead took the smile from Jacks lips, and a loud groan drained the color from his face. Ennis rallied from his reverie and stepped back from the porch, surveying the razor sharp roofing slate littering the ground. Before either could shout to the other, Jack clapped his Stetson to his head and launched himself free of the porch, taking his boot to the feeble railing for leverage. He, too, had seen the broken glass and slate. He hit the dusty ground and rolled quicky to his feet, a maneuver born of years leaping from bull back. Ennis slammed into him, catching him around the rib cage and hauling him farther away from the porch.

They heard another groan and turned, just in time to watch the porch roof implode. The railing Jack had launched himself from had twisted half off. With it’s bottom half had come the foot of the support column and a few floorboards. A horrid crack, and the weight of the support pulled the corner of the porch roof, ceiling boards, support joists, slate and all, down to the splintered floor.

As the dust cleared, Jack and Ennis surveyed the damage. Ennis dusted off his hat shook his head at the look of disbelief and disappointment on Jacks face. He bent down and retrieved Jacks hat from where it had fallen off his head in the scramble, dusted it off and handed it to him. He draped an arm over Jacks’ shoulders and pulled him close, "C’mon, hoss, look. The house is older’n dirt, an’ wood don’t last that long. But brick does." Ennis led Jack around to the side of the house and kicked the exposed foundation with the toe of his boot, "See? The foundation is still okay, we can just tear down the house ‘n rebuild it over. That is, if’n you’re not scared of the place, now that you know it hits back."

Jack shoved Ennis lightly, muttering under his breath. Ennis made out "...asshole..." and "...way to start this..." before he caught Jack in a tight embrace and planted a brief but sensual kiss on his mouth. It took a moment for Jack respond, but he did, deepening the kiss and wrapping an arm around Ennis’ waist. When Ennis broke the kiss, Jack’s eyes fluttered open and Ennis cupped his chin. "If you want this one, rodeo, we’ll make it work. And not just cuz yer the one with the money either. If this matchstick house it it, hell, lets get in the truck and find a phone."

Jacks eyes widened, as did his grin. "Ennis, I swear..."

Ennis took his hand as they turned to walk back to the truck.

"Me too, rodeo."

</div>humaninterest</p> </span>

it's been a while. lets see. i quit school, that's pretty important. i just couldnt remeber why i was going, and i couldnt sleep, and i was broke, and it was just generally no fun.
paul and i had been sort of tiptoing around the fact that we still hang out a lot, and had some residual feelings for each other. so after a sort of bizzarre exchange where he tried to get me to go home with him (which i refused), while trying to kiss me, which i couldnt refuse (something about kissing...)and then i went to bed. i dont feel bad about it. Matt and i arent officially dating, and it made things easier between Paul and i, to where we can acknowledge that something did happen between us. he's an amazing guy, and he'll be wonderful once he gets his shite together.
which brings me to Matt. matt is amazing. he's sweet and funny and dorky and he makes me feel so comfortable. and i know this is silly, because weve only spoken once and never met, but i really have a good feeling about him. i dont know what else there is to say about that. he's wickedly funny and cute, and i cant wait to meet him in person. and i think he's as excited about it as i am. which is good because i feel really dorky when i realize just how excited i am to have found a nice guy who thinks i'm pretty spiffy too and who is just adorable and thinks i'm pretty too. holden always made me feel like a fat ugly cow, and i'm coming to realize that i'm really not any of those things. matt and i were talking about what we were looking for in a partner, and i said i wanted to walk around in my underwear and eat like a pig and fart and not shower for three days and have my boyfriend still think i'm pretty awesome. he said i read his mind. i just hope it works out, is all.
my new nickname for evan is "the elusive male", because he's never home, and when he is he hides out in his room, where you need a hum-vee and safari gear to find him again.
i find that i kind of resent maralyse. and i dont like it at all. i love her soo much and i would never want anything bad to happen to her, and i would protect her with my life, but she has such a happy life. i dont remember how happy i was when i was six, but i know that i was much unhappier than she when i was eight. the fact that she'll be eight in 1.5 years makes me insane. i remeber when she was this little bald baby who cried and cried and then sometimes, in the crying, she would smile and do funny things and she'd make me literally fall out of my chair and convulse on the floor. she had these round baby duplos, and one day i held one up to her mouth like a cup, and she bit it between her teeth and i swear it looked like a pig snout. i'll have to find a pic to post.
more later!

on my bookshelves
1. Anne McCaffey: The Chronicals of PERN: First Fall
Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern (again)
The Dolphins Of Pern
All the Weyrs of Pern
Dragonseye
Dragonsdawn
Dragon flight
Dragonquest
the white dragon
2. Gregory Maguire: Wicked
Son of a Witch
Lost
Mirror Mirror
Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister
3.Clive Barker: Abarat
Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War
4: Jonathan Stroud: The Bartemius Trilogy: the Amulet of Samarkand
The bartemius Trilogy: the Golems Eye
5>Libba Bray: A great and terrible beauty
Rebel angels
Christopher Paolini: Eragon
Chris Bohjalian: trans-siser radio
middlesex
girl interrupted
Barbra Kingsolver: Homeland
the bean trees
Sapphire: Push
Eve Ensler: the good body
the Vagina Monologues
Dan Brown: Angels and Demons
The Davinci Code
digital Fortress
deception point
Douglas Adams: the Complete Hitchikers guide
Jk rowling: The Harry Potter Series
Tolkien: the Hobbit
the Lord of the Rings trilogy
Books on my bookshelves that i havent read yet
Lewis Carroll: Alice in wonderland
Through the looking-glass
Dante: the divine comedy

lets see. in an effort to get out of my house and away from my life, I spent last weekend at my dads house. My sister, Maralyse, is absoulutely the cutest thing ya ever saw. She's 6, and she's nuts. Like really. She's got this crazy curly brown hair (damn her) that goes everywhere, and she doesnt like having it "done". She'd rather float around with this massive dreadlock on her head. Crazy.

so she climbed on me and over me and tugged on me and generally made me uncomfortable all weekend, whereby I retaliated with poking her incessently, which nobody is really all that fond of. Darwin was with me, of course, so he took some of her attention. She ran around with him outside when he went out to pee, over rocks and thru the backyard. At the edge of the yard is this really anemic looking rock wall, which Mara loves to walk across, back and forth, for- I'm not kidding-HOURS. and I think she dragged Darwin across it too. My parents have these two cats, Webster and Midnight (whose name should have been Mirriam, obviously) and while Webster is older and more used to Darwin, Midnight takes one look and her hackles get all raised and she hisses and spits at him. She doesnt seem to understand that all he wants to do is sniff her ass to see if she's animal, vegetable or mineral.
so I hung out there, making small talk with Elaine (who, for all she's wonderful and good fun, has this quality like she's going to fly to pieces for whatever reason. this is wicked disconcerting hey!) about I've missed. Cathy is working at Central with Elaine as a paraprofessional, Margaret and Todd are finally getting divorced (Todd is a dick. It's about time), and my aunt Beth may be divorcing my uncle Mike (who is also a dick). Exciting things.
Thanksgiving is gonna be at Nanny and Papas this year, which is nice. Altho, Evan and I end up going there for a belated Christmas every year anyway. I'm driving my car for this trip. I always get stuck in the middle of the back seat, and between Evan's broad ass shoulders and Maralyses carseat, I wind up sitting with most my weight on my right asscheek, and crumpled up cuz theres no legroom in the middle. getting out is painful. so I'm going to drive in my fantastic tank with the cdplayer and the climate control set to the way I want it. Prolly with evan. Ya win some you lose some.
Today, mom made a turkey, stuffing, gravy, garlic bread, squash and greenbeans AND a carrot cake. She went nuts. It was delicious. And Paul stopped over for like a minute and a half. It's totally a bummer that things between he and I didnt work out right. He drinks too much, and I cant take care of another alchoholic. I dont know if he's an alchoholic or just dumb but I cant take the chances. He's such a sweet guy. O well. Maybe it'll work out later. I dunno. I just am always amazed at how hot he is. He walks in the room and it's like WO. He's got the cutest butt. I even like his beard, only beause without it I dont think he'd have a face. He's just totally the sweetest guy ever. My battery died on friday, and he came and jumped my car so we could get it to the shop and then took me to Walmart, found the right battery, carried it out for me, and put it in my car. All for the cost of turning the other battery in which was like 7 bucks. He was all" what do you want to do with this battery" and I was all duh, "what the hell is there to do with it but throw it away", so he took it and my receipt and turned them in. Seven bucks. Oy vey.
He still fixes my car for free. And were good friends still. It's just hard to be friendly when I really want to kiss him. But anyway. He made some comment on the way to Walmart, I was adjusting the seat cuz I was sitting on the dashboard, and I said "who the hell was sitting here?" and he said "why, did she move the seat?" I just sort of told him to shut up an that it was NOT FUNNY. I've contented myself with the idea that we broke up because of him, not me, and him saying he's got girls in the car shatters that idea. He got the picure tho. He didnt even say "huh" like he does when I say something and he's annoyed by it.

so I'm dropping out of college for now. I cant really deal with it and with getting my shit together. Not only am I not being fulfilled or feel like I'm accomplishing anything, I'm not having fun and I'm broke. So I'm gonna pull out and get some money back and work my ass off and save some money and then, if I havent found something better to do, I'm gonna go to the academy in march. I'm just so confused. I dont know what I'm doing, and I cant seem to make any decisions, and I really need to go to therapy this week. What I do know is that my dad is gonna make me feel like a failure for pulling out. I really dont need that.

i am also switching doctors. my doctor i have now talks to me like i'm an idiot. i just got really jealous of my friend asia who goes to the same doc, who is in seattle in college, and i'm jealous because i couldnt live away from my parents. i couldnt live on my own at all. why does everyone have it so together but me? that's a stupid question. the real question is, now that i know the answer to that question, why cant i just get on with my life? i feel like such a loser sometimes. sometimes i want to just curl up in my bed and sleep away my life, untill something worth waking up for happens. ugh.

so my moms coworker, candy, has a pair of daughters, valaree and stephanie, and they wanted to read a chapter book, and they wanted harry potter. so i went to the bookstore and bought them a fresh copy. it's exciting, because i love HP so much and getting to get a kid to read is excellent. very cool.
dad came to dinner tonite. i didnt have the heart to tell him about my al-anon chatroom meeting last nite. it's a topic to be avoided, because it just brings up bad feelings. owell. he doesnt wan me going to the academy, but i think he'll just have to deal with it

so ive been really horrible at posting here. i'm gonna try and change that.
so ive been really scraping the bottom of my bookshelf, trying to find something to read, and i finally broke down and dug into my checking account and the barnes and noble shelves. Last night, jessica and i ran around the malls in hadley, into barnes and noble, and as we walked thru the door, i saw it.

the sequel to Wicked. i'm kvelling.

it's excellent. i already own all of maguires books anyway (few as they may be), and now i have the new one. so happeee!

i also found the sequel to "a great and terrible beauty", "rebel angels". i'm hoping that it's as engaging as the other one. September has come, and with it the impending doom of winter. depression is a funny thing. it's like a flu. it creeps in, stuffing your head with cotton til things are fuzzy around the edges. and instead of things tasting funny so theyre unappetizing, it's like your whole life tastes funny, and you cant get into anything. bland is the word. everything is bland. and all i want to do is sleep.

i'm joining the police academy. i'm gonna be a cop. i dont want to be a nurse, and i think that three months of police academy will make the money roll in better. and i want to work in corrections. i want to be the tough chick cop who makes the big bad criminals shy in fear. fear is just as good as respect- it will get you the same thing. people to leave you alone unless you invite them in. this is appealing
i started dads christmas gift, it's a blue and yellow scarf done in Jiffy Quik with size 13 needles, K1P1, four rows each.
ttfn